Internal Implement Allotropy Sexual Aid Utensil Universal-DISK - Funny Patent
You might not have known such standards existed, but this somewhat awkwardly titled patent sets "a new standard for internal personal prevention worn in the female vagina." It is an anti-rape device, quite admirable in its thoroughness:
This invention is inserted into the vagina of a female wearing it in the same way as a tampon length wise and pushing it into the vaginal cavity. Upon placement in the vagina, the invention blocks the entrance to the vagina, and exposes a resilient hollow receptacle tip covering a sharp circular projectile disk with a dimensional center hole covering the specimen cavity. The sharp projectiles will inflict a sharp non-lethal pain to head of the penis attempting to penetrate the vagina, and the dimensional center hole is designed to collect specimens when the head of the penis makes contact with the sharp circular projectile disk.
It slices! It dices! And it takes evidence!
Rape? Sharp projectiles piercing penises? How is this a Patently Silly invention? Because, as the inventor acknowledges:
Men considering rape, after this invention becomes known, will hopefully not attempt it, with the dread that any women [sic] could be wearing this.
Just the idea of it is enough—it doesn't even need to become a product to be effective. So help me spread the word!
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